I have spent way too much of my life feeling like a fish in a rainforest.
There’s plenty of water around, but you can’t swim in it, and Don’t Even Ask about breathing.
You, too? So many people. Eventually it all starts to make a kind of sense, but … not all that much, to be honest. I had a hot minute when I was 33 when I thought, “Ah HA, okay, I think I am beginning to see what’s going on here!” And then in practically the next breath, not so much. But at least I found a few more of the lost puzzle pieces that had been eluding me.
Life is like that, even for people who are nearing the end of it, I don’t think it ever really goes away. It’s a Great Mystery. The only people who believe they have it all together are the ones with very tiny minds. It’s okay, let them be. There will be rude awakenings a’plenty waiting for them down the road a piece.
In the meantime, how do we stop feeling like we don’t fit anywhere, and nothing ever fits us?
Think about that for a minute. Really think about it. Do you actually want to fit in with … (waves hand desperately around while looking alarmed) all of that drama? And are you arrogant enough to believe that people should change to conform to you?
Didn’t think so. Whew. Glad we got that out of the way. “In the world but not of the world” is the necessary way to go. We are here, but we are aware enough to actively create the world we want within all the drama and in spite of all the haters.
Let’s ask a different question, then: How do we stop minding that we don’t fit anywhere?
First of all, do not under any circumstances cultivate an attitude of superiority. No “ha ha, you wish you were me but you’re not cool enough” stuff. That will shut down any growth you are able to do, at all. Growth is why we’re here, so please don’t screw that up.
Second, don’t sigh and resign yourself to your fate, “I’m just destined to always be the outsider, it is my fate, my wyrd, my punishment for past karmas, to have this dark and tortured loneliness surrounding me.” No, it’s actually not, and jesus don’t be such a drama queen.
Third, understand that you are exactly where you are needed, and exactly where you are supposed to be to maximize the growth you are doing. It’s hard to grow when you are surrounded by distracting people who are flailing around with their hair on fire. It is hard to rise when you are surrounded by people who simply want to … slump. It is hard to rise when you are exhausted by everyone else’s troubles because you are the best and biggest rock in their ocean.
Loneliness is a state of mind, and you, my friend, do not have to feel lonely at any time, no matter what, ever.
There are rivers snaking their way through the rainforest. Find one.
Magic and healing (and art, too) find you, they find their own channel through you, just like the river finds a way through the landscape. In order to deepen and widen that channel, you have to spend time in solitude, blessed solitude, feeling into your gifts and practicing your arts. Nearly every magical, musical, or healing art I know of requires substantial alone time to learn how to control the instrument – which is you, even if you use a tool exterior to your body.
And you are so far from alone it is laughable. If you are practicing one of the arts, you probably have several spirit helpers around you, who are with you to support everything you do, and bring all the miracles you need into your life without you having to do much more than express a need for them. Trust your Spirit Fam, they are your ultimate secret weapon. Open up to getting to know them. I promise, they’re a friendly and loving bunch, though if they’re anything like mine, some of them have a really weird sense of humor.
Asking your Spirit Family for help kicks everything into high gear, so be ready for that. If you say, “Okay, Spirit Fam, I am ready to do the thing,” they will move mountains out of your way. They will attract resources you don’t even know you need. They will be your greatest cheering section and your most loving teachers. They will kick your ass in all the best ways, as gently and kindly as possible, and your life will just never be the same again. Once you start working with them, whoosh! Look out.
This is the main reason that some of us, those of us who are different, who don’t fit it, need to be left alone. A lot. So we have the time, energy, attention, space, and freedom to do the inner work to change our outer world. You will attract the handful of intimates that you will discover are your Earth Family, and they will be better friends than you have ever had before.
It just takes time, beloved, and it takes courage, and it takes persistence. You are better than a diamond, diamonds are a dime a dozen. You are something much more rare and beautiful than that – an enlightened, actualized, growing human. Embrace your un-fitness for the real world and know things are unfolding exactly as they should.