Betty White’s death last week was an impossible-seeming event.
Most of us had never lived in a world where there wasn’t a Betty White. She was born in the ’20s and started working in television pretty much the minute it was invented, so she was, literally, a regular guest in our homes for decades. And then when the internet happened, she became one of the hottest viral meme generators the internet will ever see. She was iconic, generous, feminist, anti-racist, body-positive, an LBGTQIA+ advocate, and a famous refuser of bullshit. But she did it with dimples. And those twinkling eyes. And that wonderfully cultivated goofy voice that outwardly said I’m not a threat but inwardly said you picked the wrong bitch to fuck with.
Saint Betty – yes, I think so, don’t you? Saint Betty championed Black performers when it was unsafe, or at least impolitic, to do so, and lost her TV variety show because of it; but I’ll just wager that she laughed and said, “Worth it! Those idiots lost me, not the other way around!” And she would have been quite correct.
I generally don’t do eulogies, and this is not going to be one, either, but I needed to offer a brief bit of context. Betty White proved over and over that with kindness and generosity and humor one could … well, attract far more bees than one could with bigotry and mean-spiritedness. She said some of the most outrageous things anyone had ever heard, shocked the world time and again, but when you make them laugh, they are way more likely to start agreeing with you.
Not 100% of the time, of course, but more often than not.
We need that kind of generosity of spirit now, at least as much as ever. Our age is pretty gosh darn dark, though thankfully we’re not burning people at the stake, or torturing them for holding ideas that don’t mesh with doctrine. Yet. But my point is, in times when people foster more anger than joy, more hate than love, more rancor than succor in their hearts, we need those beacons of joy who have zero shits to give about what any small minds might think – because that’s just it, isn’t it? How does that saying go? Small minds discuss people. Average minds discuss events. Big minds discuss ideas. And it’s true. If small-minded people are talking about you, they’re talking amongst themselves. The average-minded people are talking about the stock market or the midterm elections. Large-minded people are talking about peace, love, anti-racism, inclusivity, intersectionality, advocacy and equality, and they honestly don’t have time to talk about you, or if they do they say, “Damn, that human just struck a blow for anti-racism!” or “Did you see how [your name here] defended that trans person with such passion and conviction? Bravo!”
Seriously. And those are the people that are wonderful to surround yourself with, because they care more about your heart than your head, and more about your head than the hair on it, and more about what your character contains than the color of skin that contains you. These are the people who are going to cheer you on when you take a stand about inclusivity, or when you say something like we need to take down this barrier so these people who can’t access this resource can be served and included. The yahoos who think disabled people should have to endure the shit that makes everything harder because it’s more convenient for abled people will not be applauding you, and you know what? That’s good.
And if you do it with a sparkling grin and make people laugh at the ridiculousness of this barrier while you do it, they will be way more likely to say, yeah, okay, that barrier does need to go.
So be a tender badass with wickedly snarky sex appeal. Flaunt your dimples. Make people laugh so they don’t feel like total idiots for not getting it before you point out injustice. Do it for Saint Betty. Do it for all of us. Make her proud. She’ll know, and she’ll squeeze her hands together and giggle in delight.
Very Good! You captured her likeness!
Happy New Year!