Twelve years ago this month I stepped away from an unhappy marriage and never looked back.
Yeah, yeah, do the math … okay there was some overlap. Whatever. I’m over it. The Lightning of True Love struck a bit before I was safely able to extricate myself from the situation I was in. It happens. Like I said, I’m over it.
And that is not why I called.
I’m thinking back over these twelve years and sort of marveling about what I have accomplished by simply allowing my authentic self to be my primary guide instead of allowing someone else to control me. I’m proud of that 40-something child for breaking free, being decisive, and following her heart. It wasn’t easy, it certainly wasn’t all roses, but sweet baby James it was better than what I had lived through.
For several years now I have marked July 22 as Freedom Day, and have purchased tokens for myself to celebrate how far I’ve come; but a few years ago, it was on July 22 that I set out to discover my True Name, and was gifted the name Alma by the powerful Spirit Guide who has been with me since birth, so now I call it Naming Day, and I still celebrate.
Because coming into my authenticity as Alma has been an initiation and a rebirth.
So what can Alma do that … that other human couldn’t do?
Honestly? Nothing. But Alma was free to dump a lot of baggage that “Gayla” was struggling to carry. Alma could relax and be what they wanted while “Gayla” struggled to find self-love and acceptance. Alma is powerful. “Gayla” couldn’t find the power switch she knew was there somewhere to even get the power turned on.
All of those things were not entirely the fault of the man in the marriage, but let’s just say he may have been the one to put many – not all – of the obstructions in front of the power switch and kept surreptitiously handing off more baggage to carry – and fueled the fire of self-criticism with some pretty brutal criticisms of his own.
Most of all, leaving him a dozen years ago caused a road to appear that had been totally hidden. Things I wasn’t even aware I wanted, or were important to me, were suddenly just … there. I knew what I wanted to do with my talents and with my life, and could see the way to get there for the first time. It was exhilarating, discovering the self buried under all that stuff, and feeling the irrepressible parts of my nature coming out of stasis.
I’ve learned a lot about self-protection and recognizing threats, too. I can see a narcissist coming from about a lightyear away and can immediately take evasive action. I have learned how to set strong, loving boundaries that keep my heart and my physical being safe from energy vampires and zombies who just want to plunder me and give nothing back. I have touched the core of strength inside and discovered that the power switch was inside me all the time, like a sweet sweet lost dryer sock. And I replaced the magnet in my inner compass, so that it always points to Joy.
To all those who are stuck, struggling, can’t find their power switch:
Knowledge is power. You can learn to set boundaries now – even if you can’t actually do anything about them yet. You know what’s best for you – even if you don’t always do it. You can start following your heart, in small ways if not big. You can learn to trust your inner voice – the one that is patiently telling you that you are worthy of love and all the good things, not the one who thinks you’re useless and no one loves you. Even if it isn’t safe for you to set the boundaries and treat yourself kindly and act on your heart and your inner wisdom, you can start acquiring knowledge and skills, and practicing those things in small, secret ways that can slip under the radar unnoticed.
I’ve been there. I know what it takes, and how long it takes, to start over. In your own time, please, and only when you are ready. But when you are, you’ll know just what to do. Happy Freedom Day, every One.