After over two years hiatus, I am getting back to an old routine, and I think it’s helping me more than I realize.
I am a sporadic journal-writer. I am religious about it for a couple years, and then I just stop with no warning and don’t do it for months or even years at a time. And then something mysterious shifts in my consciousness and I start back up again as though I had never stopped.
Covid has been a pretty good excuse to take a break, honestly. There was a whole lot of nothing happening for a great deal of the time – and though the pandemic is far from over, we are learning how to live with it, without inviting it in for an extended visit, and so … we start to emerge. Doesn’t hurt that spring has finally sprung and more things are happening outside.
So clearly something switched back on or opened up again, or phased back into alignment somehow, because I have been journaling everyday for a solid month, and it feels great. I actually look forward to it in the morning, starting my day by setting a strong intention, writing my schedule down to reinforce it, creating a to-do list that is achievable and enjoyable, and doing a quick 3-card Tarot reading to spark my creativity and switch on my intuition for the day. After that, I write a little bit about what is going on, how I’m feeling, so on. Sometimes I record things I want to remember, sometimes I just need to blow off some steam. Once in a while I need to capture an epiphany. Like this morning, I had to scribble down a song that is starting to form in the murkier places of my consciousness … hmm. Maybe more about that one later …
Point is, I think it is something from the life BC (Before Covid) that is helping me start to find a new way to “normal.” I don’t ever want to normal like we did BC, because clearly that was a recipe for disaster. But I do have a need to start being part of my community again, and I think journaling is one of the positive, helpful “normal” things I used to do that will help me find a new way forward to a … better normal.
It feels like we have left so many things behind – but maybe we can bring some things back that will help us find our feet again.
I think I have written about this before, but back in the early teens, I had some change laid on me. I left my marriage and moved to an apartment on my own, my mother died, my mother-in-law died, my step-dad died, the company I was working for closed very suddenly – and then I fell and busted my ankle. The couch was as far as I got most days, and I just couldn’t do anything at all. After about three weeks of that, I made an appointment with my counselor, and he asked me an important question: “What makes you feel normal?” I thought about it for a while, and replied, “Well, sewing, really. Every woman on both sides of my family tree sews.” He then advised me to “take a week off, don’t try to make any decisions or work on finding another job right now. For one week, I want you to sew. Go to the fabric store, get a few things, and make some stuff. Then come back and we’ll talk about you feel.”
And one week later, I had my feet under me again (well, the right foot was still in an air cast, but you get the idea) and could function, make plans and decisions, and move ahead feeling grounded, centered, and sure.
This was some of the best advice I ever received, and it has held up over the years. Every once in a while, I’ll say, “Oh, man, I need to sew, I’m feeling so lost and overwhelmed.” It never fails to put me to rights.
So, dear Reader, what makes you feel normal? What sustaining activity have you not been doing that would help you find your center again? You don’t need permission to do it, you just need to take the time, one way or another, and do it. This is an essential part of your recovery. You can’t find normal until you touch “home.” What grounds you and connects you to your roots, or to your most authentic self? Don’t hesitate. Do it. We need all of us as functional as possible in this overwhelming world.
Overwhelm is right! Sound healing helps.