I’m thinking out loud here, connecting a few dots that I have put on the map along the way, seeing the shape of things from a 20,000 foot perspective, so don’t quote me on this, and don’t think that this is gospel or science, because I’m just thinking out loud. Okay? Okay.
Here’s one sciencey bit: every egg we’re ever going to have in our ovaries (those of us who have ovaries anyway) is formed before we’re even born, so every experience that our mother had up until the time she got pregnant with us, and every experience that her mother had, and every experience that her mother’s mother had, and so on, are all part of what makes us.
Somewhere in your ancestral line, there was hunger, either from famine, poverty, or war, possibly something else. Hunger became associated with “something bad is happening, I’m in danger, my family is at risk,” and that became encoded epi-genetically. My mother was born in 1933, during the Great Depression, and a few years later World War II happened, and there was hunger and poverty and fear and rationing and making do. Her mother was born in the 1890s, and her mother’s mother was born in a sod cabin on the Nebraska plains, the child of parents who packed up everything they had and headed for a newly opened land out West where they could claim a spot, build a house, and start a farm. This was a monumental undertaking, and a huge risk. And what you had to look forward to from the time the decision was made to go, until . . . well, until you died, was endless backbreaking labor.
But you were working for yourself, living off the land, taking care of your family. Mostly. Unless there was a crop failure, or your garden got blighted, or there was a tornado . . .
So my great-gran knew hunger and poverty and need. And my grandmother knew hunger and poverty and need. And my mother sure as hell did. And “hunger” meant things were not going well at all. How many of us have a similar story in our ancestry? Hardship, famine, war, never-ending toil, not to mention slavery, genocide and mass relocations.
These days, I have plenty to eat and haven’t ever known real hunger. I have been hungry from time to tine, but I was usually just a few steps away from a fully stocked kitchen, so for me, hunger is an annoyance, an inconvenience.
Here’s another sciencey bit: being a little hungry is actually good for the body. It raises metabolism, boosts immunity, and prolongs life. Proven over and over in mice and in humans. A calorie restricted diet is the “secret weapon” of the Lazarus Club.
I was skinny once. Way back in the day. Not stick thin, but pretty lean. I look at pictures of myself and wonder how on Earth I could have believed I was fat. Answer: There was s mixed message going on: to be worthy in my culture and society was to be thin, but hunger was bad. Oh, dear.
To this day I find being hungry nearly unbearable. I hate it. I can’t think straight, I get crabby, and I get to the point where I can’t think of anything but what I am craving. Sound familiar?
I have managed to beat the post-breakfast and post-supper snacking (FINALLY) but that long stretch in the afternoon is my undoing, every time.
After the hysterectomy last year, I started to gain weight. I was no whispy little thing, not by a long stretch. But suddenly, without me really doing anything different, I was carrying 10 extra pounds. And ten became 15. And 15 became 20. I mentioned my concern to my gynecologist, and she said, “Oh, that’s normal.” I didn’t want to argue with her, because she isn’t the sort who takes kindly to people tellin’ her her business. So at my latest physical, I mentioned it to my doctor, who said since everything else, including my thyroid hormone levels, is fantastic, my blood pressure is wonderful, my cholesterol and triglycerides are perfect, well, there’s really no problem, this is normal. I was going to argue with her, but then I thought, I would be arguing to be medicated, really, and I don’t want to do that. So I just said, “Okay.”
So home I went to do some research. There are three thyroid tests that can be done to determine thyroid function. One is the standard, the one I got, that tells you whether your thyroid stimulating hormones are okay; another is the body temperature test, which is self-explanatory; the third is to test whether you have adequate Free T3/T4, being the most important of the thyroid hormones.*
I decided, since doctor avoidance is my jam, to do the body temperature test. You check your temp every morning before you get out of bed, and if it’s below 97.5, something isn’t going right. Mine? Anywhere from 96.0 to 96.3. So two and a half degrees low pretty much every time. I started checking my temp throughout the day, and it would maybe make it up to 97.1 once in a while, but usually during the day it hovered between 96.6 and 96.9. I called my doctor and said, “So, maybe this is a bit of a problem?” and the response again was, “Oh, that’s within a normal range.”
And I’m thinking, This word you keep using, normal, I don’t think it means what you think it means. Normal is not necessarily good.
In fact, it’s bad. Everything is harder to do. My feet are killin’ me. My clothes are uncomfortable. My digestion is sluggish. My whole body is sluggish. I’m worn out by the end of the day just from dragging 20 extra pounds around. But nothing helps. Trust me, I have cut so many foods out of my diet that I’m in danger of becoming an airitarian.
So here’s my plan, and I hope it’s a good one.
- My chiropractor, yes, took me seriously and suggested I start using NutriDyn Fruits and Greens powder in a quart of water that I can drink through the day, to help me use the oxygen I’m getting to burn my fuel more efficiently. Result: in less than a week my body temp is up to 98.6 every day for the first time in years. It’s still low in the early morning, and it’s winding down by the time I go to bed, but for the bulk of the day, it’s up there.
- 7 minute metabolism boosting workouts 4 days a week. Yeah, I know, 7 minutes is a joke. Right. Not. I have been doing them for a few weeks now, and my strength, range of motion, endurance and energy are all much better. I try to choose movement that I really enjoy, or that feels really good. I am blessed with great mobility and flexibility, so I’m going to consider this a celebration of this gift. I have historically been very resistant to working out, but clearly it must be part of the solution, so I may as well enjoy as much of it as possible.
- Cutting 25% of the amount of food I regularly eat, and switching to micro meals between breakfast and dinner to curtail the need to snack. If I am hungry, I am going to eat “real” food. Fruit and veggies just make me hungrier. Nuts help, but a handful doesn’t do it. So I’m going to shrink lunch and divide it into two meals. one at noon, one at or around 2:30. This starts today, so wish me luck. I’ll keep you posted.
I’m counting on support from my network of healer friends and associates, of course, and I’m going to do what I can to make sure I’m giving myself lots of time “in the sound,” too. I feel very strongly that the idea that was transmitted from my mother to me in utero, hunger bad, needs reprogramming. This is going to take some time, but boy do I have some clever women working on it. Including me. A little bit of hunger can be a good thing, especially if it is by choice. And I have no doubt that my body will adapt and adjust, and one day I will not be hungry all all between meals. For now, I will have to content myself with casting my thoughts ahead by several months or a year to that great day. Every little bit helps.
We’re in this together. Many of us are struggling right now with weight gain from COVID hibernation. There is no shame in it, but it is uncomfortable, and it makes everything harder and less fun. Let’s keep in touch and help inspire each other. I could use some inspiration about now! What do you say?
*The Essential Thyroid Cookbook by Jill Grunewald and Lisa Markley