Sometimes you have to drain that half-empty/half-full glass, and maybe wash it.
That’s honestly where I’m at, folks. My glass feels drained. I’m not depressed, not feeling like this is it, I need to end here. Not at all. I just feel . . . like a vessel that’s held one thing for a while, and is now being prepared to hold something else.
I mean that energetically, I’m not trashing my whole career path and starting over.
On Tuesday of this week I wrote “blog post” in my planner. And on Wednesday I wrote “blog post” in my planner. And on Thursday. And by Friday it had a question mark after it. Today, I wrote, “just try, okay?” So here I am. Empty. And somehow, it doesn’t feel like a bad thing.
From a songwriting perspective, I’ve often said, “Sometimes you have to let the fields lie fallow.” Inspiration has to breathe and recharge or it can burn you out. I used to be incredibly prolific, and if I didn’t write a song a week I’d feel like I was never going to write another song again. Then suddenly I’d not write a single song for a few months, and be getting seriously twitchy. Then out of nowhere, flash crack kaboom the song faeries were back and I was writing like my life depended on it again. Which may have been true at the time.
This is a time of monumental change. Some of it will be temporary, some will be permanent. I’m not noticing a huge change in my lifestyle, Michael and I were laughing about that last night. He’s been working from home for about seven years now, so no big whoop for him, and I brought all my work home a couple years ago, so we’re used to being here together all the time. The biggest gaps are not seeing our kids and not having Family Folk Machine rehearsals. For me, not getting to sangat on Sunday mornings is a sadness. I miss the quiet company of those tender, lovely people.
But on a day-to-day basis, my life goes on much like normal. Just, somewhat quieter. I am teaching lessons over video chat, and I’ve been able to continue to work with some clients remotely as well, so I’m not stuck at home with absolutely nothing to do. Just a lot of nothing. I spend too much time surfing social media, and snacking on things, because somehow humans have managed to wire “bored” and “hungry” together.
We have all seen the meme (surely) about how we were going to use this time to workout every day, eat healthy, meditate, do all of the good things we never have time to do for ourselves, but what we really do is sit and surf Facebook while snacking for three weeks straight. Maybe we’re craving company, and this is a way to get it. Maybe we want to be kept up to date on what’s going on because we need to know how this is going to go, and right now there are no road maps at all. Maybe we’re emotionally exhausted and just need to veg for a while.
Do not under any circumstances beat yourself up if you are not being productive.
About thirteen years ago, I was let go from the last real job I had after seven years, and for the first three weeks, I literally slept fourteen hours a day. I’d sleep ten-to-twelve hours at night, and take a couple serious naps through the day, and instinctively I knew I had to allow myself to do it because I needed it. This situation is similar, in that many of us are suddenly stuck at home with no place to go and nothing to do after years of working ourselves half to death for companies that may or may not have our best interests at heart. Recovery is hugely important. Take the time. Take the break. Eat the snacks. Watch the shows. Read the books. Take the naps. You are probably depleted, and right now, if you were exposed to the coronavirus, you would get a lot sicker than you would if you’d had two or three solid weeks being home, being able to rest and nap and chill. So take the time, build up your strength. If and when you are exposed, you’ll get through it a lot easier.
A very wise doctor, can’t remember the name, once told me that for women of a certain age, an extra hour of sleep will do more good than an hour at the gym most of the time. Sleep is not a luxury, folks. It’s an absolute necessity. Take it.
And allow yourself to empty, so your cup can overflow. It’s that simple. Allow that space, relax into it, make it your friend, and trust me, after a time, you will be filled right the eff up again. Maybe with the same stuff only better. Maybe with something completely new. Maybe with something so strange you can’t even describe it for a while. Surrender to Source, through which all things are possible, and know you are being held through this. Bright blessings, and sound health.