Warning Signs

There’s a sinkhole in the street outside our house.

Michael noticed something was wrong a few years back and started calling the city. They sent a couple guys around to have a look a couple years or so ago, who spent part of an afternoon pouring water from the hydrant down the street, watching it disappear into a crack in front of our house, and reappear further down the street. Then they went away.

The big crack that goes from one end of the concrete section to the other, was getting more uneven, part of it was beginning to sink, like there was nothing under it to support it at all. Michael called the city again, and a few months later they sent a guy out with a camera to actually look under the crack to see what they could see. They saw nothing. Every bit of fill dirt under that section of pavement had eroded.

So liability and imminent disaster finally got the city’s attention. Whaddaya know? Monday (yesterday, for those of you reading this blog on Tuesday) they bring the jackhammers and the concrete crusher and start busting up the street to fill in the holes (they found two other holes further down) and patch the whole section. They say it’ll take about a week. Riiiiiiiight . . .

What does this have to do with anything? Well, everything.

I had noticed I gained a few pounds earlier this summer, and had been sort of half-assedly working on eating better to get them to come back off, with no luck. It’s been busy, and I’ve been pushing the food sensitivities to their limit because I just haven’t had the gumption to slow down and take care of myself the way I know I have to.

Until yesterday, when pain, lethargy, gastric discomfort of epic proportions and gas that smelled like the gateway to Hell finally got my attention. Okay, something is badly wrong, stop the world, get back on track now.

I know most of the time when I feel like I’m starving, I’m really not–it’s just my stomach being in distress trying to get my attention. So I feed it. Bad idea.

I know I shouldn’t eat white rice, but basmati rice is so friggin’ delicious and easy and fast to cook . . .

I know I shouldn’t mix fruit with any other food, because the acid required to digest fruit is not compatible with the acids required to digest other foods, and when they get together in my stomach, well . . . my stomach gets distressed and then I feel like I’m starving, so I eat . . .

And I could go on and on. But I won’t. You get it.

So yesterday I ate nothing but fruit smoothies, and lost nearly 2 pounds overnight, and feel absolutely great today. My digestive system is completely at rest, I don’t feel “hungry” or distressed in any way, and the feelings of ick, sick, bloating, and the horrific gas are gone.

That’s what it took to get my attention. So what about you?

What are you ignoring or doing despite knowing it’s bad for you because it’s easier, faster, requires no explanations, no apologies . . ?

It’s hard. We’re rushed. The days just fly by, and sometimes, goddammit, you just want a few minutes to simply unwind and not be doing anything. There’s always one more thing on the to-do list, one more piece of this project that has to get done, one more person that needs a little something from us, until oh jeeze I have no clean underwear and we’re out of toothpaste and the refrigerator is like a really skanky TARDIS and why is the rum always gone?

Why is it so hard to love ourselves enough to put our own well-being first?

We eventually figure out that people who sabotage our efforts to make ourselves healthier are not really our friends. So what about when we do it to ourselves? When do we put our well-being over our bad habits, or over our cravings for fat, salt and sugar mixed with starch? Seriously.  This isn’t the first time I have riffed on this topic, and it probably won’t be the last, because it is important.

When was the last time you felt really good? Stone sober, sharp, well-hydrated, in balance, calm, confident, and authentic? Eating healthy, keeping active, engaged in learning or creating something wonderful and new? Isn’t that usually it? Don’t we feel best when we are taking good care of ourselves and feeling passionate about something? When we are healthy and balanced we have more energy to do things we love doing, and when we are doing things we love we have more energy for all the other things, and we have more discernment about what’s really important, too. We feel empowered to say no, to push back (with grace) when someone tries to violate a boundary, to leave work on time more often than we stay late. We feel strong enough to ask for help when we need it. And we can admit to mistakes without shame.

So what’s it gonna take to get your attention?

How about let’s not go that far. Learn from my mistakes. I’m back on track not because I have to be, but because I want to feel good. I want to have energy, and to move without every joint in my body launching a protest. and to sleep soundly through the night without something biological and unseemly waking me up. I’m under no obligation to anybody but myself to feel this way. It’s not in any contract, not a vow I have taken, there is no law that says I have to feel good. So it’s totally my choice, and I know how it works and what I need to do.

I’m on it. How about you?

We’re all in this together, so let’s hang out and help each other through it. Subscribe and I’ll send thoughtful ass-kickings, gentle nudges, and the occasional deep pondering to you every week.